The Bedwetter by Lee Allen Howard
The Bedwetter: Journal of a Budding Psychopath by Lee Allen Howard is a new horror/psychological thriller set to be released in May 2019.
“Lee Allen Howard’s The Bedwetter is an inventive psychological horror novel with a voice that’s as stylish as it is dark.” —Dustin LaValley, author of The Deceived
Armed with electric hair trimmers and a military fighting knife, Russell accepts his dark commission.
Russell Pisarek is twenty-six years old and still wets the bed. He grew up different from other young men because his vicious mother punished him for wetting by shaving his head. When he confided this to his girlfriend Tina, she betrayed him, advertising his problem to all their high school classmates, who turned on him mercilessly. He took out his frustration by skinning neighborhood cats.
Now Russell fantasizes about finding just the right woman—so he can shave her bald. He struggles to overcome his dark tendencies, but when his sister discovers he’s wetting again, she kicks him out of her house.
During this time of stress, the mythical Piss Fairy appears in his dreams, and Russell is driven to satisfy his twisted desires with his innocent coworker Uma, who also needs a new roommate.
When his plans go awry, the Piss Fairy commissions him for a much darker task that graduates him from shaving to scalping—and worse.
I turn on my TV and fire up the PS4, then go downstairs and throw some pizza rolls in the toaster oven because Becky didn’t make dinner tonight. She usually does. She’s no gourmet chef, but she’s a decent cook, and I don’t mind eating her food. (^:
I holler up the stairs, “Becky?”
She don’t answer. Maybe she’s pooping, LOLz.
Bathroom door ain’t closed, though, when I look up the stairs.
I crack open a beer. When the toaster oven
dings, I scoop those bad babies onto a plate, grab a paper towel, and then
carry them upstairs to my room. Worst thing about pizza rolls and Hot Pockets
is, if you cook them till they’re done, they’re hot as frigging lava.
Becky comes out of her room and passes mine on
her way to the bathroom. She closes and locks the door. I start Call of Duty,
and it’s still loading when she comes back out of the bathroom and knocks on my
door. It ain’t closed, so she pushes it open.
She’s got her arms crossed over her tits like
she does when she’s uptight about something.
“What’s up?” I say.
“I found your tee-shirt between the washer and
dryer, so I washed it and brought it up this morning.”
She’s all fidgety and won’t look me in the eye,
so something’s up.
Eating pizza rolls on a piss-stinking mattress
ain’t the most appetizing experience. But I eat them anyway.
I say, “What’s Aiden doing? Ain’t seen him
“He’s playing with his cars you got him,” she
says. “When I brought your shirt in, I couldn’t help but see your bed was
stripped. And why.”
“So? It makes me… concerned.” She tosses
her head, not to get her hair out of her face—it’s tied back as usual—but
because she’s gearing up to make some point or say something unpopular.
“Hey, I couldn’t help it. I didn’t wake up. I
washed my sheets. What are you so concerned about?”
Her lips get tight when I raise my voice. I
don’t much care. It’s not like I pissed HER bed.
I toss the controller on the wet spot, then
mute the TV. “Well?”
“Look, Russell, you know what it led to last
“Yeah, and I was living at home then. You
remember what that was like for me. I ain’t wet since I moved in with you.”
“Not that I know of.” She gets that snooty high
and mighty look.
I want to shove the remote up her goddamn nose.
“That was years ago, Becky. I’ve changed. I’m better now.”
“How do I know that? All I know is what you
“But I didn’t do it to you, did I? I never
done nothin to you.” I hurl the remote into the closet. It hits
the back wall, and the batteries pop out.
“Calm down, Russell,” she says, pressing the air
with her hands like she does when I get worked up. “You’re right, I’m sorry.”
She always says that too, but it’s just to talk me down because I make her
nervous. But why shouldn’t I be pissed? How come I can never express myself
when I’m mad?
“I gotta get my sheets.” I push past her, out
the door, and go downstairs. In the kitchen I unlock the basement door and
stomp down the rickety steps. The cellar smells musty. Like I said, it’s an old
townhouse, with stone walls and a concrete floor all cracked. Damn cold on my
sockfeet. My sheets and bed pad and blanket are wadded up on top of the dryer.
Becky does that if I forget to empty it when my stuff is done. I scoop them up
and then head back upstairs.
Becky’s still standing there, hugging herself.
“Here. I’ll help you.”
I turn around and get in her face. “I don’t need
your help, Becky. I can do it myself. I been doing it since I was seven years
“All right. I’m sorry. I just… never mind.”
She walks out the door but comes right back in.
“No, I’m not going to let this go,” she says,
fists on her hips. “This isn’t just about wetting the bed. It’s about that,
that… disgusting rug you made. Cat skins. God, Russell, that’s
so sick. I had no idea you still had it. Thank goodness Aiden didn’t see
“And what if he did?” I say. “You think I would
have told him what it was made out of? Jesus, Becky, gimme some credit.”
“I don’t care. I don’t want that thing in my
house. Get rid of it.”
“I live here as well as you do. It’s not like
you own the place. I pay rent too.”
She huffs. “Sometimes.”
“Oh, fuck off, why don’t you? I’m workin. I been
workin. Just because I don’t got a good job like you don’t mean I ain’t pitchin
“Look. I think it’s time you moved out on your
I blink at her, shaking my head. “What?”
“You heard me. Aiden’s four years old. He needs
his own room. He can’t sleep in my room forever, especially with Mike spending
“It ain’t my fault you can’t screw with Aiden in the room.”
“Russell!” she hisses.
“Keep your voice down,” she says, shoving the
door closed. “It’s not about me and Mike. Aiden’s getting too big for his toddler
bed. You know that. He’s growing like a weed, and even a twin bed won’t fit in
that room. Where’s he supposed to sleep?”
I lay a folded hand towel on the wet spot, make
the bed on top of it, and then stretch out on it. She stands there, waiting for
me to say something. She pisses me off. Ignoring her is the best I can do.
“Don’t go quiet on me, Russell. I’m trying to
have a conversation about something important. Do you understand why I think
it’s best that you move out?”
I snatch up the controller and press start. The
game begins, but I can’t hear it because I muted the TV, and I can’t unmute it
because I flung the remote in the closet.
Becky steps closer. “If you got something to
say, then say it. Stewing about it won’t do any good. You know what it leads
“Who are you, my fuckin mother?”
She grabs her head with both hands, spins
toward the door, then turns back, curling her fingers into claws and showing
“You’re a dick, Russell. You either move
your pissy mattress to the basement or out of the house, take your pick!” She
rushes out, and I can tell she wants to slam my door, but she don’t.
I do. And yell, “I hope your car’s fixed,
because I’m driving mine tomorrow. Bitch.”
I put the remote back together, then pick up
the controller, but my hands are shaking, and I don’t feel like playing no
more. Don’t feel like finishing my pizza rolls. What I really need is a smoke.
I fish in my jacket pocket for my Camels only
to find my last cigarette is broke in two.
FUCK! FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!
I crush the pack and throw it on the floor. I
dress, grab my coat and gentleman’s hat, then descend the stairs by threes and
fly out the door into snow like freaking cottonballs.
About the Author:
Lee Allen Howard’s dark fiction spans the
genres of horror, dark fantasy, supernatural crime, and psychological
thrillers. His publications include The
Sixth Seed, Severed Relations, Desperate Spirits, Night Monsters, Death
Perception, The Adamson Family, Perpetual Nightmares, and The Bedwetter.
Howard earned his BA in English from Indiana University of Pennsylvania and an MA in Writing Popular Fiction from Seton Hill University. He edits fiction and non-fiction, and has served as a book publishing consultant. He blogs about his fiction and fiction writing at http://leeallenhoward.com. Readers can connect with him on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Goodreads.
Howard is also the founder and editor at Dark Cloud Press, which has published the horror and dark crime anthologies Thou Shalt Not… and Tales of Blood and Squalor. He resides in western New York state with a lot of books.